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| mb~~SirJ's> | i was a DOmme 15 yrs ago.... and at that time i was alone and lost and had no support to help me find my way since becomeing a sub i have found a support from my brother and sisters in chain this is good and i worry that OUR DOMS do not get the support and help from those that understand what they do it is a growing experence and hard to be alone |
| Easyrider> | tell me about it mb |
| mb~~SirJ's> | i would like to know.....being the nature of DOMS to be in
control how we...or they as DOMS get this support and make themselves and eachother better |
| princess> | do Doms talk to eachother? |
| Easyrider> | i try to |
| STIG> | yes we do |
| mb~~SirJ's> | and how do DOm/mmes resolve the natural front that it takes to
be DOM thank you |
| princess> | about strategy and technique? |
| Chance> | what do you mean natural front mb? |
| Easyrider> | not me, sorry yes mb |
| Red Hawk~~> | I do on occasion..... but I also find it hard to approach the
subject at times..... who is the right Dom or mentor to ask.... may be also a Dom is expected to be more independent....? |
| mb~~SirJ's> | it takes a strong image to be in control...often..seen from a sub view>..two DOMS with appear to be standing as if a wall is between them |
| Easyrider> | yes RH, very true |
| Chance> | plus each Dom/me has different ideas, methods, etc...who decides what is right |
| STIG> | Red thats right..I ask about things that I come across for the first time but hardly ever about techniques and the such |
| princess> | well many subs ask eachother about techniqes |
| mb~~SirJ's> | by shareing as we subs do...each of us want different things from our Dom.mes but find the common ground of the experence between us |
| princess> | they discuss scenes as well |
| Temujin> | the techniques that sit well with one Dom, never sit right with another |
| STIG> | being a Dom is a solo act and it marks each Dom/Domme differect |
| mb~~SirJ's> | but what about your common experence Temujin |
| Red Hawk~~> | ... well like subs are different .. so are Dom/mes... but I think sharing information (whether one entirely agrees ornot) is very valuable.... |
| Easyrider> | very very true |
| princess> | how does one learn to be Dom/me? |
| Temujin> | mb...I'd like to think the experiences I give are not at all commom *grinning* |
| Chance> | agreed....so then the question turns to the "wall" mb questioned |
| mb~~SirJ's> | the sub trembles both DOms experence that...for what ever reason...and that is common ground |
| Red Hawk~~> | ...yes it is often a solo-act.... and it is sometimes expected
to be a solo-act... I think to break down the wall ... y ou need to find a friend... among the Dom/mes..... and then you start asking the right questions.... |
| STIG> | Red thats not as easy as saying it |
| mb~~SirJ's> | does not the fact that you are dom draw you together as being sub does to us? |
| Red Hawk~~> | and you start feeling comfortable asking the questions... even
the stupid ones... STIG... I agree 100% ,...it is hard.... |
| Chance> | playing devil's advocate...what happens if your friend has different ideas...is it better to discuss with them or with someone who feels as you do? |
| Temujin> | no it does not mb...not with me anyway |
| STIG> | Red..yep |
| Red Hawk~~> | Chance.... as a friend you can disagree quite easily... without being threatend.... like in politics.... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | that is sad then cuz being sub when i see another sub i know thier pain and JOY and therfore i am connected even if i do not agree or even LIKE them |
| princess> | *smiling softly..having no idea that he Doms spent such little time talking to eachother* |
| Red Hawk~~> | .... I think the core is to find somebody that you are willing to show your weaknesses to.... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | ahhhhh and a sub is already vulnerable so can connect easier? |
| Chance> | ok.....does that someone have to be another Dom/me? |
| Red Hawk~~> | ...may be wb..... there is an element of pride involved... |
| Temujin> | gotta go bye |
| princess> | oh..subs have lots of pride RH |
| STIG> | when I first came here I needed to know what the right rules were and to be corrected if I did the wrong things and I was lucky I found friends to help me ..but as time goes on I find it diffecult to ask things because I have gron as a Dom |
| Chance> | will you learn the same say if you have a very close friend who is a sub? |
| Red Hawk~~> | Chance...not necessarily...but in order to get support for you dominance another dom would be logical..... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | well not really...but am talking about a "brother?Sisterhood among common interest |
| princess> | I have helped many Doms...learn the protocol rules |
| mb~~SirJ's> | NO you can not Chance for the sub has not the same view on the worlsd |
| Red Hawk~~> | protocol rules are different princess...the are more or less the same for dom or sub... |
| Chance> | but my question mb is why you have to learn about something from the Dom/me point of view...can't you be just as informed by learning from the subs? |
| princess> | *smiling softly* |
| mb~~SirJ's> | i know i seek out DOMS to speak with MASTER cuz i can not see HIS needs in this area...even with my limited experence as DOm |
| Red Hawk~~> | Chance.... you can... and I do learn from subs... but there are specific Dom things that a sub may not see in the same light.... |
| princess> | except if you want to know how a sub feels... you need to ask one |
| STIG> | true Red |
| Red Hawk~~> | princess....yes... very true...the feelings of a sub.... are best learned from a sub.... |
| Chance> | ok...so then doesn't it make sense that if you have a question about dominance to ask another sub....who may have actually experienced the submissive to your exact dominance idea or reference? |
| mb~~SirJ's> | that too...and that is invaluable...but i am taking about a unique point of view....can YOU hellp me feel sub space CHnace from a subs view...can i help you feel a rush os power from a DOMS view? |
| dez~Mesmer> | smiling at mb |
| princess> | yes mb you can thta rush comes from submission not from talking to Doms |
| Red Hawk~~> | you sure can mb..... |
| Chance> | RH...I agree they don't wee them in the same light...they can't ...but cannot you as a Dom learn what you need to by knowing a subs reaction |
| mb~~SirJ's> | have you felt that rush princess? then yes you can...but not all people are switch |
| princess> | oh I am not a switch but I can see the reaction just as my Master can see mine |
| mb~~SirJ's> | but from a submissive view...looking down it looks totally different....... |
| Red Hawk~~> | .... sure Chance.... but in addition don't you want a support opportunity from fellow Doms.... don't feel pride... and fear of sounding stupid by asking a sub for certain advise.... |
| Chance> | I guess my point is...as in p[olitics...it is hard to argue one side without knowing the other |
| mb~~SirJ's> | yes that is true....but not all are able to experence both |
| princess> | you should never feel stupid asking a sub anything... this is an issue of a control hierarchy |
| Red Hawk~~> | ... Chance... I think you need both... support by asking subs what the want and desire.... and support from fellow dom to talk "shop" so to speak.... |
| princess> | not an intelligence or dignity one |
| Triton> | Chance does a sub always know what a Dom;me is feeling |
| princess> | the top only has the power because it is freely given by the bottom |
| mb~~SirJ's> | i think my time as a dom makes me a better submissive for MYSELF...cuz i KNOW what it feels like to hold that beating heart and crush it if i desire |
| Chance> | oh RH...I agree with you....but as already pointed out....going to another Dom/me is not something many feel comfortable with... |
| STIG> | I have never been a sub and and I agree you can't know what a sub feels but you can tell from their reactions |
| Chance> | by going to a trusted sub...there is still that feeling of being in control |
| Triton> | You can only tell by asking |
| Red Hawk~~> | Chance... and that is part of the problem... why don't we feel comfortable talking to each other.... |
| Triton> | RH I feel confortable talking to anyone |
| Chance> | brb.... |
| STIG> | I don't even in here |
| Triton> | it seems that Dom/me's just don't talk among themselves |
| mb~~SirJ's> | yes that is the point.....the wall of controll does not get lifted and the burden set aside so the DOM can recharge |
| Red Hawk~~> | princess... you are right... there are no real stupid questions... but sometimes there is an uneasyness....am I doing the right thing.... |
| princess> | I guess often Doms have talked to me... I am not sure I always have the answers that was why I asked if the questions you had for eachother were about technique |
| Triton> | just as a sub has a protector or confidant a Dom'me should to |
| princess> | emotional support can come from a good friend |
| Triton> | Someone they feel comfortable in discussing their problems or feeling with |
| Red Hawk~~> | .... right... that is what I said.... you find a friend... a confidant... |
| princess> | if I were Domme... you can be sure I would know all other Doms.. so I could learn from then |
| mb~~SirJ's> | layers and layers....there are times that i can help you princess and there are times only a DOM...not a friend can help...would think it is the same for DOM |
| Triton> | I have learned a lot by listening to the other Dom'me 's here |
| STIG> | Not all Doms what to be friendly and share experiances |
| Red Hawk~~> | same here... I learned a lot too.... |
| princess> | well but not just any Dom...sometimes it has to be your own...*grin* |
| Triton> | STIG I have said often that I have big ears and a string shoulder |
| Red Hawk~~> | princess.... well that is a different matter.. <smiling> |
| Triton> | strong shoulder too |
| princess> | I am surprised that the Doms are not as well connected ...what
can we do to change it? mb any ideas? |
| Triton> | It goes for the person not what they are |
| mb~~SirJ's> | thats is another layer.....all levels need addressing and i know when i was DOM i had no recourse for some of the layers and that hurt me and my subs |
| Red Hawk~~> | Triton... right on..... like there are more outgoing folks in r/l there are more outgoing Dom/mes and subs.... |
| Triton> | I will open myself up to anyone who needs me princess |
| princess> | there are some very experienced Doms... available.... perhaps they can be organized |
| Triton> | whether its a Dom'me or sub |
| mb~~SirJ's> | yes princess..discussion like this..and the intellegence that is here will take it anad grow |
| STIG> | it is not in my nature to be too open everyone need their secrets |
| princess> | well perhaps organized forums... *smiling at Stig* |
| Red Hawk~~> | I have asked advice and I received it...but sometimes it was not easy approaching the subject.... |
| Triton> | A SDOm/me may find it very hard to ask a sub how to deal with a problem with a sub |
| mb~~SirJ's> | that would be wonderful that way those not interested would be able to learn by listening..and not have to try to drop that control |
| Red Hawk~~> | ... and sometimes you cannot ask subs because of their contracts and restrictions.... |
| Triton> | RH STING if I can assist either of you in anyway just ask |
| princess> | is that because you are Dom...RH... or because of the atmosphere here |
| Triton> | I may not have all the answers but I can sure try to help |
| mb~~SirJ's> | good point princess |
| princess> | not sure what you mean RH... you may not be able to try it but you can usually talk about it |
| Red Hawk~~> | princess.... how shall i put it..... if I have a problem I go out and find a solution and the answer.... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | you and i are lucky princess our MASTERS allow us private talk with other Dom/mes....some do not i think that is what RH means |
| princess> | I see mb |
| Triton> | exactly mb |
| Red Hawk~~> | but I would like to find a few other doms with which I can just talk in general... and about the lifestyle...not the weather... |
| princess> | well sometimes it is the personality of people and sometimes it is the atmosphere |
| Triton> | I enjoy some of my private chats with the subs who aree allowed
and and it has given me great insgight sort of Dom/me night out |
| Red Hawk~~> | ...right Triton.... |
| Triton> | but who will serve the drinks LOL sorry |
| Red Hawk~~> | we go to a rent-a-sub place Triton.... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | i guess the question is...do DOM feel a need to organize and share and if so how do we supply them with that need and not tread on their rights? |
| Triton> | I think it's up to the Dom/me's to get their own shit together |
| Red Hawk~~> | agreeing with Triton.... but a discussion like this at least shows that there is a need for more social contact between the Dom/mes..... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | ok thank you all...hope this has helped |
| Triton> | the closeness of the sub's should give us the ability |
| Red Hawk~~> | and may be it does lower the barriers to approach a not so familiar Dom/me more easily.... |
| mb~~SirJ's> | i must go...thank you all for listening.....bye |
| Chance> | back....sorry I missed the end |
| princess> | bye mb |
| Red Hawk~~> | hey...mb... thank YOU for moderating and all..... |
| Triton> | bye mb |
| STIG> | bye mb |
