SMack!

My Thoughts

D/s Perspectives - A Few Notes On Dominance And Submission
A personal view by Mistress Pamela.
Dedicated to my *very* good slave girl, bunny!

by Mistress Pamela - 04.07.2002

The desire for Dominance or submission (D/s) would appear to be inborn (rather like homosexuality, or eye color).
Paradoxes abound in D/s; it is a "Wonderland" of twisted meanings and odd reactions. Much of it can only be intuited, not logically described. It is extremely difficult to explain to one who has not experienced it.
One of two things is likely to happen: if you are not naturally inclined towards D/s, you will still be puzzled when you have finished reading this. a light bulb may come on. This brief essay takes the viewpoint of a female Dominant and a female submissive/slave.

This is not always the case; there are many male subs, male Doms, straight and homosexual or bisexual pairings. It is also very much my own personal view, as a member of the "Old Guard" scene that D/s is NOT a game; it is a LIFEstyle. Some may practice it only on occasion (usually by necessity; if, for example, they have children or demanding careers), while for others it is a major factor in their day-to-day lives. In My situation I have a TPE with My slave bunny. The most important thing to understand, and the one most often misunderstood, is that D/s IS NOT ABUSIVE. The people who do these things do them because they DESIRE them; and will not proceed without the consent of both parties. The motto in all cases is "Safe, Sane and Consensual" (SSC). Our partners are very precious to us; we care deeply about causing them NO harm.

And of course there can be more danger in the psychological aspects of D/s than in the physical.
This is what separates D/s from battering; in an abusive relationship, the victim has no say in her treatment. There is no SSC involved. The only choice she may have (and often a difficult one) is to leave. On the contrary, a D/s couple will usually experience a closeness, a depth of caring and communication, that is unknown in "vanilla" partners. They routinely expose their innermost selves to one another; they must in order to experience the rewards to their fullest.
Some even refer to it as a "psychic connection"! It takes years to build up this level of trust and communication. (D/s partners of two years' experience are "newbies".) A lifetime is not sufficient to explore all of the possibilities made available through D/s. While a Dominant may appear, in concept, to be a self centered / self absorbed person, she/he is in fact a loving, caring person. Often very much a "gentle person", in the old-fashioned sense. She does not enjoy "mistreating" her partner; rather it is the effect that her (Dom) treatment has on her (sub/slave) that is so desirable. While "playing", her concentration becomes so intense that she(Dom) scarcely notices anything outside her partner; closely monitoring her reactions and body language to make sure that she (sub/slave) is getting the most out of her experience. Many Doms experience arousal during an intense scene; they may save sex as the tender, romantic "dessert" that follows.