SMack!

An Opinion: Slave vs. Sub

by clair - 22.11.1997

Using my personal "definitions" of the terms, I have been through both, and can remember the defining points that brought me from simply submissive to what my Dominant and I consider to be "slave". I am still a submissive. That is my nature. The guidelines that define my interaction with my Dominant are what classify me in our eyes as slave.

As a submissive, I was basically free to choose the time, place, and appropriateness of my submission. I set my own boundaries and limits. My Dominant may have pushed those as a submissive, but I knew that in the end, that I could call a stop to the activity. Consensuality ruled over the events and the relationship, but the consensuality was dealt out depending on the situation. It was submission, but more selective in it's displays. It was mainly confined to the bedroom, and had more of a physical basis, in that it was shown in sexual explorations, and tolerance of pain. The submissive release was in and of itself, and event.

The defining line for the move from submissive to slave, was one very difficult decision. This decision consisted of agreeing that my submission was not longer conditional. It would not depend on my decision to consent or agree to specific acts or rules, but make one flat statement that I agreed that his will would outweigh anything else. This decision was my consent for him to take over control of my life, and any decisions that he wished to make regarding it, would be upheld. This show of "ultimate consent" also meant that I was agreeing to the fact that if I was unable to submit on my own, that he would assert his will if he saw fit, despite my hesitation or refusal.
Some would call this unconsensual. Yes, I gave my consent for the unconsensual should it arise.

This decision was not made lightly, and the reasoning behind it had to do with the best interests of our relationship.
I had to look very deep at my own behavior, needs, and abilities. What I found was not something that I was particularly proud of, and the decision on how to "fix" it, and make my life more productive, and my relationships more viable, hinged on my need to have someone else ultimately in control of my life. I am now confident in the fact that no matter how hard I try to sabotage myself and my relationships with those around me, that there is one person out there that will look past my strong exterior and bring me back down and show me my own reality, with or without my consent. This non consensual factor may be scary for some, but for me, it's comforting. My Dominant has an 11 year track record with me, so the trust is there that he always has my safety and best interests in mind. This is what brings the peace and freedom of "slavery" to my life.

Is slavery for everyone? Definitely not. Is it safe, sane and consensual? That depends. Because of who I am with, and my history with him, yes … It's very safe. Is it sane? Well for me, it keeps me sane. This same type of relationship that keeps me level, and healthy, emotionally and physically, is also something that could drive a person insane, and be very damaging. Just like a drug that for one person may save their life, if that drug is not appropriate for the condition of another, it could kill them. Is it consensual? It is, for the simple fact that I gave my consent to put myself within this relationship, with the full knowledge that I cannot get myself out. This provided me with a concrete knowledge of the unconditional nature of my submission, and his Dominance.

Please keep in mind that I wouldn't dictate how any other person should view the terms sub or slave, but merely wished to share my experience, and how I personally define them within the boundries of my own experience.
Take what you need, and leave the rest. I really look forward to hearing others thoughts on this, and if you have gotten this far in reading the endless babbles of clair, I appreciate you for taking the time to do so. *smile*

All My Best, ~clair~